"I used to feel so alone in the city, all those gazillions of people and then me on the outside.
Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years and then I realized you must say, "Hi".
They may ignore you. Or you may marry them.
And that possibility is worth that one word."
-Augusten Burroughs

As the morning has passed it seems I've gotten borrowed feelings.
My dad has always referred to them as borrowed feelings and his point is so well put.

You borrow feelings.
Say you're in a relationship with someone, if they're having a pissy day- they're short with you and are very snippy.
In turn you take on those same feelings and instead of replying with a different point of view sometimes we also gain a pissy attitude when really, there was no reason.
Say your friend is worried about what's going to happen with a certain situation- they mull over it, they share their opnions and frustrations- out of friendship and understanding you in turn take the worry upon yourself. Most of the time this is done very subconsciously. We hardly ever realize that beforehand we had nothing to think or worry about. Especially if the situation, whatever it may be, has absolutely nothing to do with you- But none the less, we borrow feelings.

Today I'm borrowing feelings or maybe I'm just frustrated.
I talked to my mom on the phone last night while she was in the airport waiting for her flight and I was at home. She kept saying, "You need to take care of yourself, Betsy" "You need to give yourself rest"
I teared up...I miss my mamma. And I miss hugs, I hardly ever get hugs anymore.
Today I would like a hug...a real one. Really, I just want to be held and there be no agenda.

Last night I ended up not going to a hangout with friends. Part of the reason was that Kaelah wasn't having the best day and I wanted to cheer her up so we bought junk food and watched movies. Then the other part of the reason being I was gone EVERY SINGLE DAY last week. Keeping up with things I said I would do, I worked, I did chores, I ran countless errands for other people, I did this and I did that. So the one night in the week I chose to stay at home I could feel the anger rising from my friends in Spring Hill. Look I'm sorry I didn't go. I know I promised I would, I planned on it- but sometimes I don't want to freaking plan. Sometimes I just want to be able to rest. If you get upset with me, I'm sorry- there are points when I am going to do what I want to do. So I did. I took care of myself. I stayed at home, layed on the floor with Kaelah chowing down on chips and chocolate watching Smart People. It felt good...finally a night at home where I was in the house before 10pm.